Fixin' Leaks and Leeks

If a group of groupers wants to challenge me in an aqua-aerobics showdown in calm, shallow waters, I’m ready. My plan is to go from flipped and treaded to ripped and shredded in the aqua fitness class at the local Y.

Sure, I’ve flirted with water aerobics classes before. Years ago, you may have read about my adventures on this blog of deep-water aerobics at the Snohomish Aquatic Center. That class required a special foam belt and a willingness to drive a bit further from my house to get there. Good class, but I don’t want the hassle.

A few years later, I tried the water aerobics classes at a nearby LA Fitness. Great classes, but the instructor that everyone highly recommended would yell at people who didn’t get the timing right. (Guess who has no sense of timing and who uses the wrong arm/leg on the downbeat?) It was all done in fun, but I didn’t like being yelled at—or viewed by passersby through a long window that ran the length of the pool—as if I were in an aquarium or something. (Also, why didn’t I just splash the yelling instructor? I totally could have. Would have been fun, too.)

Now, I’m at the local Y. It’s not far from where I live. I can walk there in twenty minutes if I want to. But I need to save my strength for pool jumping jacks and some kind of foam board that makes my arms bulge with rippling muscles when I push it under water. It makes King Triton himself say, whoa! (Not really. I just imagine it might. Someday.)

So far, I’ve gone twice, and I plan on going twice a week from here on out. Here’s what I love:

• The pool and the pool area are so warm. Competition swimmers might not love it, but I never plan to be a competition swimmer. If there’s an emergency airplane water-landing, I won’t be competition-swimming my way to safety. I’ll be doing the water cross-country ski move while the entire Flash Dance soundtrack plays out in my head.
• Betsy, our instructor, plays the entire Flash Dance soundtrack on her giant boom box. Sometimes she forgets the routines, which she demonstrates on the pool deck, so she has to stop and check a piece of paper where she’s written down all the moves we do—and I love her for that. She’s the real deal.
• Sometimes I crack my back—in a good way. I’ve been running for just over thirty years now (slowly, at a 9:22 mph pace—won’t win any races), so everything hurts—but not in the pool, which is great! The water twists and turns all my joins and ligaments in a friendly and gentle way, so I won’t need aggressive chiropractic procedures.
• I think my balance is improving—both on land and in the water. It’s one of the benefits of water aerobics, and I believe I’m feeling them already.

Here’s what I don’t love:

• After about ten minutes, my bladder fills up. No, I’m not swallowing pool water. And no, I don’t drink a bunch of water before getting in the pool (which is a really, really bad idea, according to our instructor and most aqua fitness professionals). Is it possible that my kidneys just suck in any nearby water source and fill up my bladder? Is this even scientifically possible? Yes, yes, it is. According to the article, “Why Swimming Might Make You Need to Pee,” from the U.S. Masters Swimming website, there’s a thing called “immersion diuresis,” which results from a colder water temperature and water pressure. As they say in the scientific swimming community, “water, water everywhere, but not a drop to drink because it has chlorine and pee in it, most likely, but your bladder will want it anyway.”
• I can’t do that “change under your towel” trick in the locker room. Signs are posted prominently that say, “Please do not show private parts in the changing room,” which I respect, but I don’t know how you avoid it. All the other ladies seem to be really good at it, and so I try. I put my towel around me, under my armpits, and aim my legs through the leg holes of my underwear, but something always goes wonky, and then it’s like, “Peekaboo! I’m new!” I’m not even sure how a bra goes on under a towel, but I’ll bet there are YouTube videos. Oh, wait! There’s a “No Peek” Towel that you can buy—and it’s elasticized at the top. I’m saved! Here’s the link if this is what you need right now. BUT: the website for buying the towel doesn’t work, so there goes that idea. Darn! Maybe someone will make one for me?
• That’s it. Just points one and two above. Those are the only things that I find annoying about water aerobics, but I think I can get over them.

In the meantime, I’m having fins-to-the wall fun with awesome aqua aerobics moves that’ll be the envy of any fish in the sea. (Maybe I’ll have grouper groupies. Squee!)

Your Turn: What’s something new that you’ve tried recently?