An unexpected and horrible side effect of strawberry picking is the urge to clean out the freezer. I’ve fought this urge valiantly over the past year and a half—scoffing at loose frozen vegetables that are rolling about the bottom bin. I just cover them with stray Popsicles, but eventually a tower of frozen pizzas and… Continue reading Strawberry Picking Results in Organized Freezers, Homemade Muffins, and Bramping
How To Recycle Underpants
My underpants helped me lose a humorous writing contest in a most spectacular way. This year’s Erma Bombeck Writing Contest, which would be judged by THE Dave Barry—for a few lucky finalists—prompted me to write about the time my underpants were destroyed. I laughed while I wrote. I laughed when I read the essay out… Continue reading How To Recycle Underpants
Sand Dollars, Bleach, and a Hot Tub
Rare and elusive, the sand dollar—in its whole form and not broken—is so valuable to me that I truly believe I could use at least five of them to pay outright for a hot tub: Me: Hi, there. I’ll take the Hot Bubbles 2020 Executive Model Spa. Sales Clerk: That’s a top-of-the-line pick—nice choice! Now,… Continue reading Sand Dollars, Bleach, and a Hot Tub
How to Run with Zombies
A Zombie infestation broke out on my treadmill the other day and I couldn’t be happier. Packs of hungry “Zoms” chased me for 3.3 miles while I completed some kind of mission—and I guess I was successful because I survived, picked up 11 supplies, and stole a CDC file while detouring through a hospital. (I… Continue reading How to Run with Zombies
One Whale of a Sunburn
A fiery, brilliant Pacific Northwest sun came blazing out of the sky and smacked me hard—really hard—on the legs on Mother’s Day weekend. To be fair, I wore sunscreen everywhere else— but my legs—on the weekend that Nate, Alex, and I walked along the Whidbey Island beaches for nearly 5 ½ hours. I figured I… Continue reading One Whale of a Sunburn
Craft Alert: “Everywhere” is Special When You’re Wearing a Crown, So Make One for Mother’s Day
During a Halloween blitz through Epcot just a few years ago, inspiration struck me as I watched a woman stumble through the streets of the World Showcase. She had a beer in one hand and was wearing a shiny tiara. In that moment, I thought to myself, “I should really wear tiaras more often. They… Continue reading Craft Alert: “Everywhere” is Special When You’re Wearing a Crown, So Make One for Mother’s Day
Black Bean Salsa Dreams
If it hurts, don’t do it, unless it involves a spicy gauntlet of the Bongos Café fiery shrimp and black beans plate, which I believe must measure at least 100,000 units on the Scoville Heat Scale. Then, in that case, I suggest that you do it again, and again and again with plenty of yucca… Continue reading Black Bean Salsa Dreams
