Fixin' Leaks and Leeks

At a certain Rite-Aid, in an undisclosed location, hopped up on sodas and Pixy Stix, I wiped the Easter display aisle clean of various assortments of confetti-arrayed confections. Then, I hippity-hopped home, only to realize that what I really needed was 34 more ounces of lollipops—but not just any lollipops—Chupa Chups. But not just any… Continue reading Chupa Chups Lollipops: Get in my Easter Basket

In verdant fields, ripe with pickled carrots and green-onion stalks, rainbow-feathered chickens gallivant about until they rest their little chicken heads on pillowy loaves of French bread bathed in sweet-salty soy and lime sauce. This wild, fresh, and crunchy dream came to life in my kitchen just last night, and a picture of the sandwich… Continue reading Spring Chicken Sandwiches

The craft alarm, which sometimes sounds like a retching cat, prompted me to steer the Fixin’ Leeks and Leaks Team directly into the storm: the paper towel stash for the cat’s hurricane of unrecognizable aftermath (what IS the cat eating?)  and Michael’s Crafts. You see, the cat can’t resist a beautiful flower arrangement. Nate bought… Continue reading Craft Alert: Loopy Petal Spring Flowers

The pounding drums, bagpipes, and electric-guitar sounds, characteristic of the Dropkick Murphys’ style, have been blasting through the house since February 15th. Every night, when I make dinner, I’ve been selecting the Celtic punk station on Pandora, plugging in the speakers, and cooking up a raucous meal of very healthy vegetables and lean proteins. Getting… Continue reading Boozy Shamrock Shake

To create tangy, sweet-lemon sunshine from a box, it’s absolutely necessary to begin with something that doesn’t even remotely resemble an actual lemon: a bag of sand-like stuff. Just snip the top off with a pair of scissors and mix in three eggs and 1/3 cup of water. Whisk, whisk, whisk and watch the entire… Continue reading Sunshine in a Box: Lemon Bars Review

(Pencil drawing of crows by Alexander Kennedy.) To attract the mirth and excitement of a colony of crows, simply put your trash out on trash day, but make sure that the lid to the can will not close. Then, watch with delight as the crows tear apart the plastic bags and drag your trash through… Continue reading If you Want Crows, Do This

That horrible sting resulting from a “friend’s” attempt to fling a rubber band at your forehead is about 5,000 times worse when the rubber band in question is actually a strength-training contraption that’s wrapped around a chin-up bar. Since we installed a chin-up bar a few years ago in the closet of a spare bedroom,… Continue reading Stretchy Bands of Terror

To add that creepy, who-can-that-be-in-the-backyard-feeling to a cozy wintry day, build snow people who have just been stabbed in the heart and/or head. Then, pull back the curtains of the sliding glass doors near the living room, ever so slightly, and prepare yourself for endless amounts of heart-stopping fun every time you pass by to… Continue reading Things that are in my Backyard: Snow, Trees, and Bloody Valentine Snow-Humans

Fresh, colorful bowls, filled with healthy ingredients, are just the tip of something that lurks under a hunk of used dishes and about 5,000 kitchen appliances. While I’m steering the ship, I’m heading straight for it, with a beer in one hand and a crooked parsnip in the other, screaming, “I’m supposed to do what… Continue reading Use-Everything-You-Got-Bowls

Whipping up a little bistro style menu (whatever that means), sounds more like a threat than a friendly list of delicious food items, when I gather the family to make my announcement: “Tonight, I will make a restaurant-quality meal, and you will see me do it! It will be crazy and tasty and everything you… Continue reading Bistro Night Buffooneries @ the Fixin’ Leaks and Leeks Headquarters