Fixin' Leaks and Leeks

Apparently, sturdy bedsheets and snappy storage containers are the bare necessities required for outfitting college students who might test the rigors of dorm living by determining how many roommates it takes to knock over the vending machine in the engineering hall. Earlier this summer, Nate and I researched the dorm room that Alex had chosen.… Continue reading Dorm Room Move-In Moves

To the asparagus in the house, I must confess: The Joy of Cooking dill sauce that I made to cover your tender green stalks has been taken over by a sack of Lay’s Potato Chips, dunked over and over again into the creamy goodness, until just a thin smear on the sides of the bowl… Continue reading Dip or Sauce?

If shirt-shopping at the mall is your mate’s way of saying, “I’m turning 51. Please don’t do anything special,” blow those plans to bits and pieces with an action-packed itinerary that takes at least 6 ½ hours to complete—leaving your mate bleary-eyed and stumbling into the night. Sure, fifty may be nifty, but fifty-one’s a… Continue reading “Shirt-Shopping,” but with Surprises: How to Plan an Action-Packed Day for Someone Who is Turning 51

Cheetos droppings have accumulated on the floor in my office, and I’ve blamed the cat, global warming, and hornet wasps. However, the other Fixin’ Leaks and Leeks Team members (Nate, Alex, and the cat) know the truth: I’m not careful when I eat the snack foods that fuel my ability to write underpants jokes and… Continue reading Psyche Yourself Up to Clean the House

Caramel apples came looking for me on the streets late one night. They were pierced with rugged wooden sword-picks and dangerously close to my face, but I didn’t run or scream. Typically, when accosted with samples, I usually bolt—mostly because I don’t like surprises or changes in my routine. So, if I’m walking down the… Continue reading Candy Apples: Aggressive Sampling

Today, the craft alarm sounded like a grinding lawnmower, chomping along, growing with maddening intensity—as if it were possessed—until the sweaty, yet determined driver of the machine (Nate), suddenly stopped. He picked up a tuft of dirt and grass in the backyard, inspected it, and put it right back where he found it. Then, he… Continue reading Craft Alert: Bunnies Lurking Underground

Staring into the gaping mouth of a meatball sub—its beady, meaty eyes dripping with red sauce and gazing into the soul—elicits one of two reactions in my household: 1) Bring it! (me) and 2) WTF?!! (Nate and Alex). Last week, I proposed the idea of serving a weeknight-meatball-sub-meal with the enthusiasm of a budding teenage… Continue reading Meatball Sub Night: It’s Not Weird

Finding tentacle-like, space-alien green things in the refrigerator is no need for alarm, especially if they’re in a jar and floating in a briny solution. They’re not actually pickled space creatures. They’re pickled banana peppers, and they’re amazing. About this time last year, I emerged from my office, bleary eyed after reading “news of the… Continue reading Nate’s Pickled Peppers

Animal Behavior Bingo is the gift that keeps on giving long after you’ve left the zoo. Heck, it’s quite the gift before you even leave home. Before going to the zoo, print out this bingo card and let your imagination run wild about what you might see (or hope to see) the animals doing when… Continue reading Animal Behavior Bingo

If scorching temperatures warp the sliding glass door, such that it won’t slide open anymore, there’s no need to run out the front entrance, scale the fence to the side yard, and risk ramming splinters into your thighs. You’ll just be disappointed. You’ll discover that the gnome house you thought you saw in the backyard… Continue reading The Door is Not a Jar