Fixin' Leaks and Leeks

Fresh and green and ready to take on the world, guacamole charges out of the kitchen, in a bowl, like a champion. Then, something happens. Something sad, something grayish brown and icky, creeps over the top, and you wonder if your guacamole is turning on you in the worst way. Scientifically speaking, the air does… Continue reading Guacamole Experiment

Grab a wacky tie that’s festooned with a dizzying array of rubber ducks and beer steins—and throw it in the trash! What the father-figures in your life really need is a painkiller. At least, that’s what Nate, the featured father of the Fixin’ Leaks and Leeks Team, says he wants for Father’s Day—and he has… Continue reading Father’s Day Fun!

To keep the noodles from strangling the beef jerky in our pantry, I cook with them. Noodles throw themselves at me when I go to the grocery store. There’s no other reasonable way to explain why my pantry is overflowing with pasta. When my back is turned, noodles of every shape and size rock back… Continue reading Noodling Around

The pastry parade has done a synchronized kick line past my desk at work every day now, and the pastries are most likely wondering what I’m bringing to the party. Doughnuts, lemon tarts, cakes, and pies throw themselves at me, Beauty & the Beast style, when I go into work three times a week. Since… Continue reading Respectable Strawberry Scones

A glittery, puffy marshmallow of a thing lives inside me, and it wants to decorate with girly girl sparkly flair. Today, that thing came out of me at the grocery store in the crafts aisle. It saw a bunch of pink stickers in tropical shapes, studded with shiny stuff, and just had to have them,… Continue reading Let Your Sparkle Out

A supernatural haunting—the kind where ghosts lift my computer from my desk so my neck won’t cramp—wouldn’t be so bad. However, since my house is not haunted (yet), I’ve been using the Chicago Manual of Style to prop up my computer, which presents a problem, if I actually need to use the CMOS. So, the… Continue reading Time to Elevate

Desperate for attention, my writing desk flew into a rage, oozing and groaning and rattling the drawers—again for the millionth time since I bought it maybe ten years ago. No, it’s not possessed. I wish it were because then I’d know what to do. Typically, these episodes only last about a second—maybe I lose a… Continue reading Plastic Plant Power

Shrimplicious is the name I’ve given to the crustacean featured in a relaxation video. I turn to this video when life becomes a tornado of questionable decisions that whip around and hit me in the face at the end of the day—when all I want to do is relax. Example: Did I really step in… Continue reading Spicy Shrimp

The doors of the house have flung open wide for the first time in years, and a gust of wind has sent me spinning into public spheres, where people can see me awkwardly text—and I sense they are staring at me. (Nate says they are. He has seen them.) And now, at work, I am… Continue reading Adventures in Texting

While rain falls on tender blossoms, Poetry Month is just whizzing by, and I’ve done nothing to pull it from its whirling blur, shake it by the lapels, and say, “Here! Would you settle down if I handed you a poem?” However, I’ve never considered myself a poet. I like to write short stories and… Continue reading Various Schemes for Celebrating Poetry Month