A supernatural haunting—the kind where ghosts lift my computer from my desk so my neck won’t cramp—wouldn’t be so bad. However, since my house is not haunted (yet), I’ve been using the Chicago Manual of Style to prop up my computer, which presents a problem, if I actually need to use the CMOS. So, the… Continue reading Time to Elevate

Desperate for attention, my writing desk flew into a rage, oozing and groaning and rattling the drawers—again for the millionth time since I bought it maybe ten years ago. No, it’s not possessed. I wish it were because then I’d know what to do. Typically, these episodes only last about a second—maybe I lose a… Continue reading Plastic Plant Power

Shrimplicious is the name I’ve given to the crustacean featured in a relaxation video. I turn to this video when life becomes a tornado of questionable decisions that whip around and hit me in the face at the end of the day—when all I want to do is relax. Example: Did I really step in… Continue reading Spicy Shrimp

The doors of the house have flung open wide for the first time in years, and a gust of wind has sent me spinning into public spheres, where people can see me awkwardly text—and I sense they are staring at me. (Nate says they are. He has seen them.) And now, at work, I am… Continue reading Adventures in Texting

While rain falls on tender blossoms, Poetry Month is just whizzing by, and I’ve done nothing to pull it from its whirling blur, shake it by the lapels, and say, “Here! Would you settle down if I handed you a poem?” However, I’ve never considered myself a poet. I like to write short stories and… Continue reading Various Schemes for Celebrating Poetry Month

Hoppin’ down the bunny trail isn’t all it’s cracked up to be if a trainload of dishes and hard-boiled eggs is threatening to derail you at every turn. There’s absolutely no need to go through the holiday with hidden eggs, rotting in a forgotten corner, while the ham in the oven explodes. Just make a… Continue reading Mimosa Time!

Crawling out of my house-cocoon to see a live performance, I figured, would involve sequins, fancy shoes, a crown—perhaps velvet cushioned seats in theaters swirling with gold froufrou. I never thought I’d scroll through Facebook, find an advertisement for Monster Trucks, and shout through the house: “Nate, baby! We’re going to see Monster Trucks! Tickets… Continue reading Tips for a Scary Good Time at a Monster Truck Rally

The Fixin’ Leaks and Leeks Team parents are thrilled to announce that we’re more fun than a modern, co-ed campus dormitory. That is to say, our rigorous routine of talking to one another, cooking with music on, dance lessons, improv, fun television, exercise, and regular sleep patterns, is absolutely legendary. In other words, we’re not… Continue reading Crates are Great: Bookshelves are Better

If a musical beat traveled in a straight line, and two people were locked in an embrace, shuffling back and forth and side to side, how many minutes would it take them to collide with the wall-length mirror in the Arthur Murray Dance Studio, where they are taking lessons? Answer: Roughly 1.5 minutes on every… Continue reading Feel the Beat

We sham-rock hard here at the Fixin’ Leaks and Leeks Headquarters—turning the milk green, blasting Dropkick Murphys, and counting our lucky clovers that our cherished Guinness beer is not trapped in a shipping container at the bottom of the sea. Even the cat is green on the inside on St. Patrick’s Day. Literally. He ate… Continue reading Make a Craft that Sham-Rocks!