Fixin' Leaks and Leeks

The Places We Haunt is NOT about a possessed Bedazzler that shoots rhinestones at people at night when they are alone and asleep in their houses. I really wish I had written that story, but I’ll save it for a sequel maybe. Instead, I’m pleased to announce that Potter’s Grove Press has accepted this version… Continue reading The Places We Haunt: My First Book of Fiction!

Starfish stalkers beware: The sea stars are sick of us. They think it’s creepy when we stick our faces out over the water and stare at them. In fact, rare sea star recordings, which were later translated by a team of marine linguists—and then buried in my backyard and discovered by me—reveal that we are… Continue reading Socially-Distancing Starfish

Used-sofa purchases should always include a thorough interrogation of the seller, with no-nonsense, cut-to-the-chase questions like the following:  How dangerous is this thing? Has it ever attempted to eat people? If so, how many?  That’s the most important lesson I learned anyway, from watching Killer Sofa. Yes, Killer Sofa is an actual film from New… Continue reading Nachos and a Killer Sofa

The delicately wired alarm system at the Fixin’ Leaks and Leeks Headquarters is not always set on “craft mode.” Sometimes it just goes haywire when there are updates about The Virus or Killer Hornets. Or, sometimes it interferes with the smoke detector system in the house, which goes off at 4:30 a.m. That happened last… Continue reading Craft Alert: Pom Poms

In a land where gummy bears roam free, there’s a terrible rumor that sometimes, out of nowhere, a giant hand crashes through the sky and carries the yummy peaceful creatures off to terrifying deaths.  That’s why, when you reach into a bag of gummy bears, they all kind of stick together. Their strategy is to… Continue reading Gummy Bear Popsicles

With any luck, burritos and cocktails will soon poke their heads out of some soil on my window ledge and bring forth much-needed quarantine sustenance and mirth-making. And, I didn’t even have to go out and forage for burritos or cocktails and cut their stems off to plant them and watch them grow.  No! There… Continue reading Growing Cocktails and Spicy Foods

Hot-off-the-griddle sizzling restaurant reviews, from ordinary people with access to Google, have simmered down.  And I feel a bit lonely.  I’d cozy up to these reviews, reading them on my lunch break.  Sometimes they were enlightening.  Often, they were not. (Very, very often they were not.)  So, when dine-in service was replaced by takeout and… Continue reading Reviving the Restaurant Review: Takeout Take-Aways

Extreme feats of quarantine “can-do spirit” abound on the Internet, so it’s only natural that the Fixin’ Leaks and Leeks Team would try to either fashion a gym out of logs or sew a set of masks with realistic-looking beards. Amazingly, we haven’t done either of those things. However, we HAVE converted an ordinary-looking Mason… Continue reading Starter Dough Time Capsule

My tightly-knit cocoon of a home—my oasis of creativity and comfort—is unraveling.  The cat and Zoom meetings have blown a big (metaphorical) hole through the middle of the house, and I feel like I’m falling through the floor while screaming desperately for a strong drink.  This all happened on Friday, which was maybe the 454th… Continue reading We’ve Escaped

To spice up the desperate days of lockdown, I told Nate to “meet me in the kitchen—”and that I’d be “wearing a plastic garbage bag.”  How was he to know that by “spice up” I meant “please help me cover my roots; the salons are closed?” These days are dark and strange, and for Nate,… Continue reading No One is Coming to Save your Hair