Fixin' Leaks and Leeks

In my darkest fears, a great white lurks in the toilet bowl, swimming pools team with gangs of rowdy makos, and a restless tiger shark circles the floor space between my bed and the bathroom at 3 a.m. However, it had never occurred to me to fear the depths of the innocent margarita glass, until… Continue reading It’s Shark Week: Drink Up!

Rivers of silence, exploding with feathery pillows of wispy breezes and sunlight that sparkles like a mofo pyrotechnic dream, are about to come true this Fourth of July in my neighborhood. Fireworks are banned in our area, and there’s a fire ban as well because of the dry conditions. I couldn’t be happier (about the… Continue reading How to Whoop it Up When Fireworks are Banned

Amidst a heat wave-induced brownout, I noticed that the potato masher was missing from the Fixin’ Leaks and Leeks kitchen, and I needed it so that I could sneak up on four bananas and turn them into banana bread. If they saw the blender (which was already occupied for making piña coladas), they’d run for… Continue reading Banana Bread Mysteries: Unsolved

Things you might learn: Budgeting tips Tassels swung wildly, and our glasses sloshed with celebratory concoctions this week to commemorate Alex’s graduation from high school and Nate’s 18th Father’s Day celebration. In true Fixin’ Leeks and Leaks style, we marked these milestones the same way that we approach New Year’s Eve: with a rip-roaring romp… Continue reading Happy Faduation Day: One Whopper of a Week

A severe case of “wall envy” drove me to hit the craft alarm, which sounded like the ice cream truck blasting its way through the neighborhood on a school night at 8:30 p.m., much to the dismay of neighbors with small children. (The neighborhood Facebook page exploded with accusations. Here’s just one example: “I’ll bet… Continue reading Craft Alert: Five-Minute Wall Art

If the clouds suddenly unleash a fury upon the BBQ grill—rain pelting the house like angry, dead crows shot from a cannon—grill that steak anyway. Gather the following supplies: Steaks, an umbrella, and Nate, and send them outside! Nate is the most important thing on that list, though. The determination. The skill. The grit he… Continue reading Steak-In-The-Rain

When that sizzling summer sun reaches through the window, grabs you by your “No Bitchin’ in the Kitchen” apron, and shouts, “Hot stuff coming at you,” arm yourself with a Popsicle sword and a pint of ice cream. Tell everyone to get out because tonight, you’re serving ice cream and fruit as the main course,… Continue reading Angel Food Cake for Dinner

Unwinding after a long day of tearing through the house and slipping (rump first) off the newly polished furniture, is absolutely necessary if you’re a demanding and aggressively affectionate cat. But finding that special place to unwind can be challenging. Fortunately, there’s an easy solution: the soaking tub (or any tub) in the bathroom. Just… Continue reading Kitty Cat Bathtub Bar

Something brown, bubbly, and studded with strawberries came out of my oven last night, and I just stared it at because I didn’t know what it was. However, using the theory, “If you don’t know what something is, taste it,” I cut off a corner hoping it wouldn’t scream. (It didn’t.) Then, I decided that… Continue reading Strawberry Je Ne Sais Quoi

Today, my most outrageously festooned hat, upon which a ten-inch-high stuffed swan of multicolored feathers is perched, has been mistakenly served as the main course for someone else’s Mother’s Day tea, so I’m wearing a baseball cap and pajamas instead. I plan on sauntering out into the yard and indulging myself in a low-key “tea… Continue reading DIY Mother’s Day Tea