Fixin' Leaks and Leeks

Happy little heads of broccoli, that rise up out of the soil and sing a lovely morning song that goes, “Get up! Get up! The house is on fire! Now that you’re awake, I think I’ll eat the cat”—will NOT be joining the Fixin’ Leaks and Leeks Team any time soon.  Although a package of… Continue reading Micro-Greens on the Windowsill: Broccoli

A loud, ominous Hot Oil Alarm has been added to the Fixin’ Leaks and Leeks armory of safety protocols, and its terrifying sound would send even whales and sharks into a stupefied panic. Feel free to click on this link here, to have a listen:    (Extreme Alarm Sound Effect YouTube) If you ask me, frying… Continue reading Hot Oil Alert: Fried Pickles

The plants in the backyard have signed up for dating apps; I just know it, but they’re not very good at writing enticing profiles. For instance, I suspect that the borage plant (which is actually growing!) feels somewhat neglected and has taken matters into their own hands—signing up for Tinder and writing the following description:… Continue reading Lemonade with Blue Borage Ice Cubes

In my dreams, I’m flitting about in yoga pants that sparkle like sapphires—and the entire house is made of pizza.  I glide over to the living room and fearlessly take a huge bite out of a load-bearing wall. Then, Nate and Alex walk through the front door after a hike, and I have to tell… Continue reading Sourdough Pizza and the House of my Dreams

A fire-breathing dragon infestation, which was documented in rare manuscripts made up by the Fixin’ Leaks and Leeks Team, once led to frustrating years of isolation for wealthy castle-owners. In an attempt to still make a buck or two, they opened up their rocky courtyards to tourists who were brave enough to venture into fire-breathing… Continue reading Rock Hunting

Big explosions of strawberries and shortbread—just snapping and screaming with flavor—are the only “incendiary” devices of excitement that I need (and can handle) on the 4th of July. A fantastically delicious pie should just be enough, damn it, but no, the neighbors insist on lighting their own garages on fire while shooting off fireworks at… Continue reading Why? Oh, Why? Strawberry Pie

To prevent an atmospheric, yet unnecessary two-story waterfall from springing to life in our house, Nate and I are left with no other choice but to fix the tub in Alex’s bathroom.  The floor of the tub, much like my threshold for tolerating Zoom meetings, has cracked. No, Alex did not break the tub, which… Continue reading There’s a Hole in the Tub

Many strange and wonderful things are popping up all over the yard, such as empty fireworks droppings, colossal atomic slugs of some kind, other kinds of droppings—and lavender. It’s like a whole new world to discover each day! Of all of the things in the yard though, I’m most pleased with the lavender. (The colossal… Continue reading Lavender Cocktail

Summer just sailed in on little corn trays—swimming in rivers of caramel and coronavirus Phase 2 indiscretions. (I forgot my face mask once, and I touched my nose at least 20 times.) Here’s how everything went down: I opened a kitchen drawer and found my yellow plastic corn trays and realized that I just don’t… Continue reading Corn Trays and Bananas

On the Fixin’ Leaks and Leeks blog, I have challenged Betty Crocker to throw downs and made unsubstantiated claims about the plants on my windowsill. Currently, I believe they’ve hacked into our bank account and are plotting to move to Bermuda. I’ve heard whispering—and have found search histories on my computer.  I promise to write… Continue reading A Pledge