Fixin' Leaks and Leeks

If squiggly, bubbly things ooze from an egg, while it’s still boiling, don’t despair. Yes, the eggshell has cracked and the egg therefore, should not be dyed for Easter, but you and your family can have endless fun, snapping pictures for Instagram while saying the following things:

“Poke it. I dare you.”

“Ooh! Look! It jiggles!”

“Play ‘Eye of the Tiger’ and move it around in slow motion. Oh, yeah! That’s funny. We should totally film that!”

The night before Easter, the scenario above played out in our kitchen well until the late, late hours. Sure, we had plenty of fun, but the next morning, it was very difficult to get up and go to mass, hide 11 eggs well enough for a VERY smart 15-year-old (and cat) to have difficulty finding them, and throw together a somewhat attractive Easter basket. Brunch was looming on the horizon and all I wanted to do was relax with my Peeps.

“Can’t we just eat candy all day?” I asked. “Didn’t we just have Christmas and a swim banquet? I’m still not over St. Patrick’s Day, either.”

“Eventually, we will want food. Real Food,” Nate said.

“There are squiggly eggs somewhere.”

“There was one. We photographed it, we ate it, and we survived. Novelty’s worn off now,” Nate replied.”

Luckily, I made out a menu and bought ingredients earlier on Saturday, well before we lost our minds. I just had to find the strength to follow through. After a handful of jelly beans and a glass of beer, I was ready to get started on my Stayed-Up-Too- Late-the Night-Before-Easter-Brunch.

Menu:

Ham—fully cooked (4 pounds)

Marmalade-jalapeño glaze

Fizzy Fruit Salad

Rolls with butter and strawberry jam

Asparagus

Egg and cheese hash brown potato casserole

Chocolate brownies (from a mix)—topped with whipped topping and Peeps

Preparation:

Ham and Glaze:

1) In a small saucepan, combine ½ cup of marmalade jam, 2 tablespoons of soy sauce, and ½ jalapeño pepper, chopped. Heat over low heat.

2) Place the ham into a glass dish and pour some of the glaze over the top. Bake at 375 for 30-50 minutes—brushing the glaze over the top every once in a while.

Egg and Cheese Hash Brown Potato Casserole:

1) Combine 12-16 ounces of egg substitute with just a pinch of salt and pepper.

2) Add ½ cup of shredded mozzarella or cheddar cheese to the egg mixture.

3) In a glass pie dish, sprinkle a half a package of refrigerated shredded hash browns. (Save the rest for another time.)

4) Pour the egg mixture over the top and bake at 375 for 30-35 minutes.

Rolls:

1) Make the recipe from this Fixin’ Leaks and Leeks pizza dough blog: (click here)

2) Once the dough has risen for about ten minutes, divide it into 8-10 pieces.

3) Shape each piece into a “snake” and coil it around your index finger to make a circle. Pull the coil from your finger and place it onto a baking sheet.

4) Sprinkle with sea salt.

5) Bake for 15 minutes at 450.

Fizzy Fruit Salad:

1) Slice strawberries to make 1-2 cups.

2) Drain a 16-oz can of mandarin oranges.

3) Place the strawberry slices and mandarin oranges into clear glasses or bowls.

4) Add a splash each of: limeade, pineapple juice, and club soda.

Asparagus:

1) Wash and trim an asparagus bunch.

2) Sautee the asparagus in a teaspoon of olive oil and a tablespoon of balsamic vinegar. Salt and pepper to taste.

Brownies:

1) Make brownies from your favorite chocolate brownie mix.

2) Cut a slice and place it onto a serving plate.

3) Use food coloring to tint the whipped topping. (Pastel colors might work well for Easter.)

4) Top the brownie piece with the whipped topping and a Peeps marshmallow.

Verdict:

We all devoured our plates, but we agreed that this meal was not nearly as “funny” as the Easter eggs we made the night before. So, it was good, but not “laugh out loud good,” which is how we evaluate our meals these days: Presentation, Taste, and Laughs.

“It’ll be funnier in the morning,” I said. “After we get some rest.”

In Other News: One more short story of mine has been published in a literary journal: “How the Blueberries Grow” in Coffin Bell Literary Journal. I’m super excited–Click Here to Read:  “How the Blueberries Grow”

Your Turn: What have been your most hilarious food moments? What are easy recipes you like to make for the holidays?