How to Run with Zombies

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Dark, menacing clouds, painted by Nathan Kennedy. Photo by Cecilia Kennedy

A Zombie infestation broke out on my treadmill the other day and I couldn’t be happier. Packs of hungry “Zoms” chased me for 3.3 miles while I completed some kind of mission—and I guess I was successful because I survived, picked up 11 supplies, and stole a CDC file while detouring through a hospital. (I had no idea I was running through a hospital.) It’s safe to say then, that the Zombies, Run! app, which I downloaded onto my phone on Friday, is one of the best things I can now enjoy free of charge.

The Zombies, Run!, app is hands free, so I wasn’t asked to change direction or actually pick anything up while running, but I could race, do interval training, and listen to cool story lines that ran “on air” every once in a while, as I listened to my favorite music on my phone. (Yes, it works with Pandora, which is how I’ve enjoyed music since the winter of 2016.)  Though I was transported to an apocalyptic Zombie-infested world, I could still hear my favorite club dance hits as I ran, which made my 32-minute workout seem unusually surreal and chaotic—and that feels just right to me. However, if you plan to run on a treadmill with Zombies, here are some steps to follow, just in case:

1) Double knot your shoelaces. You have to complete a mission, so don’t mess it up by tripping and falling over your own feet. The whole world is watching.

2) Run.

3) Run faster, if you’re able. If not, remember: You’re on a treadmill. Seriously, real Zombies could have caught you by now.

4) Keep a steady pace if you want. Apparently, Zombies have a hard time getting their act together because you could run at a really slow pace and, as long as you don’t fall off the treadmill, you’ll be fine. You’ll be totally fine, but you will want to run fast because the actors are very convincing and they speak with a British accent which, for some reason, is highly motivating.

5) Reflect on your life. I did. I asked myself, “How did I get to this point? Why do I need Zombies to chase me while I run? Why is it that I believe this story line so much that I can begin to feel a Zombie’s cold, clammy hand reaching for the back of my neck? How come I can smell that Zombie’s terrible, rotten breath?” Oh, wait—that’s just the garbage. (My treadmill is in the garage.)

This time to reflect though, is one of the greatest side benefits of the Run, Zombies! app. What if I lived my life as if Zombies were really chasing me? I think I’d get so much done in so little time. Therefore, I think I need to develop an app called, Zombies, Grocery Shop!—or Zombies, Clean the House! If I can clean all three toilets in my house in less than ten minutes, then I get to live. So, combining the Zombies concept with a meditative aspect could be very healthy. For this reason, Zombies, Goat Yoga! needs to be invented. For instance, there’s a goat farm at the end of my subdivision and sometimes the goats escape and wander about the neighborhood. The next time that happens, I’m seizing the moment—and that moment might go something like this:

Me: (speaking with a British accent) Hello, there. I see you’re lost, which is not a good thing for you or for me, since Zombies are actually quite nearby.

Some Random Goat (SRG—also speaks with a British accent) I have no idea what you’re talking about. Please stay away.

Me: I can’t. We’re on a mission, whether you like it or not. We must do goat yoga to make the Zombies go away.

SRG: Absolutely not.

Me: Too late. I’m already doing the Warrior Pose and I am going to reach out now and pet you.

SRG: Stop it! We have support groups now because of people like you. Stop it!

Me: Can’t stop what’s been started.

SRG: Ahh!!!!

And both the goat and I would be so relaxed. I just know it.

Of course, it’s probably dangerous to remain incredibly focused and “goal-oriented” 24/7 as a result of Zombie drama. For example, an app called Zombies, Change that Baby’s Diaper! might be considered “irresponsible.” However, one day, such a world of Zombie apps for just about any occasion or Olympic event, could be a reality. Oh, the dreams we dare to dream.

Your Turn: What’s your favorite exercise app?

 

 

 

 

Published by ckennedy

Author of the DIY blog: Fixin' Leaks and Leeks. Paper/Rock Writing Consultation, Sole Proprietor.

35 thoughts on “How to Run with Zombies”

    1. I typically don’t do exercise apps, but I love this one. I found out about it from a student in a community class I’m teaching about horror writing. I’m absolutely hooked now!

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  8. I don’t have a exercise app but I do put on my walking shoes, grab the camera and venture out and explore the world, don’t wish to run, might miss something… if I encounter a zombie, I would give the zombie a invite to join me, perhaps all the zombie is needing is a friend… 🙂

    “You have been my friend. That in itself is a tremendous thing. After all, what’s a life, anyway? We’re born, we live a little while, we die. By helping you, perhaps I was trying to lift up my life a trifle. Goodness knows anyone’s life can stand a little of that. ” ( E.B. White, Charlotte’s Web )

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    1. 🙂 It was student who told me about this app. I’m teaching a local class at an art center for the next four weeks on horror writing and one of the students told me about this app and I just needed to try it–I’m hooked!

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  13. I need a Zombies, Clean the House app (or zombies to clean my house for me :P)
    I’ve taken to jogging whilst I do chores or if I’m waiting for the microwave to heat up food. Maybe I’ll try Zombies Run alongside that. It might make running more interesting!

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