Book Club Planning: Wine Will Spill.

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Glass of wine and a “miracle product” for cleaning up wine spills. Photo by Cecilia Kennedy

Wine-spilling season is upon us as I throw my doors open for a neighborhood book club meeting, and I’m hoping it’s as wild and carefree as I’d always imagined. I’ve wanted to be the kind of hostess who could say, “Don’t worry about spilling the wine. I have a miracle product that takes that stain away. Watch!” And there I’d be, just dabbing away at blood red liquid and it would disappear in seconds. Of course, I could just tell everyone to drink wine in the kitchen or garage. Or, I could serve white wine, but serving red wine on the good couch without even covering it in plastic is a bold and generous move that says, “I trust you—and the cat.”

So, I bought one of those miracle wine stain remover products and poured a glass of port at 9 a.m. on Saturday. Then, I stained the couch. The couch is chocolate brown, so I thought that a red stain wouldn’t show up too much. I also tried to pick an inconspicuous spot. Then, I sprayed the “miracle product” onto the couch and let it work its magic. And, just like magic, it turned the spot to a rusty orange color. The product itself had a pleasant citrus aroma and I noticed that it sprayed on as a kind of white foam. While I waited, I watched the stain grow. “Is this the miracle I’ve been waiting for?” I thought.

As the orange stain spread, my inconspicuous spot started to look a lot more conspicuous to me. It has been over an hour, and now I still have a stain on my couch, just in time for the book club party—which will only encourage people to just sit on the couch and spill wine.

“See? She doesn’t care. The couch is already stained,” someone might think, but I do care. I care a lot.

“How am I supposed to sleep at night knowing that there is a stain on the couch—and that I did it?” I asked Nate.

“I’ll sleep well,” he replied.

When Nate realized he could be more helpful, he suggested that I try the “miracle product” on something white. He figured that perhaps, this product should only be used on lighter colored fabrics. At first, I thought about testing the product out on a white throw rug in the living room, but better judgment seized a hold of me and pointed me in the direction of my lingerie drawer. Even better judgment told me to look one drawer to the right and grab a running sock. Then, I went book club crazy on that sock and doused it in wine.

Grabbing the miracle stain remover product, I sprayed the heck out of that sock and was hopeful when I saw the white foamy liquid bathe the red splotches in powerful cleaning agents. After waiting the required 1-5 minutes, I dabbed away at the stain, but I only managed to turn the sock purple. Nate decided to give the product a try and, for a half a second, it looked like Nate could get it to work—but no, my sock is now stained. However, it does pair well with the couch.

As I read tips on the Internet for removing stains from fabric, I think that my best bet is to just launder the sock and the couch cover. In fact, when Alex spilled red Gatorade all over his khaki pants at the swim banquet last year, I just used some dish soap to get the stain out. Then, I ran them through the wash and you would have never known that those pants were once at the mercy of a teen athlete at a raucous swim banquet. The true miracle product, then, is probably dish soap and a washing machine. So, that settles it. I’m holding the book club meeting in the laundry room. I’ll boldly serve red wine and Gatorade.

Your Turn: What is your favorite hack for removing stains? Or: Do you belong to a book club? If so, what are you reading? If not, what are you reading on your own?

 

Published by ckennedy

Author of the DIY blog: Fixin' Leaks and Leeks. Paper/Rock Writing Consultation, Sole Proprietor.

39 thoughts on “Book Club Planning: Wine Will Spill.”

  1. Best red wine stain removal hack: have furniture the same color as the wine so if it spills, no one will know. Also having hardwood floors. I am not part of a bookclub, but it’s funny that you wrote about starting one because I’ve been wanting to start one of my own, based on the same premise as my blog……books that have good food mentions and the club members would all bring a dish based on a food in the book. I hope your book club goes well! Thanks for the Sunday morning laugh, as alway

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    1. That’s why I enjoy your blog so much–it’s such a great concept: Food and/in Books! I hope you do start your book club based on the same idea-I’m sure it will be wildly successful. Cheers!

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  2. I don’t buy white shirts because I cannot keep them clean. I do own a few, but I also have fabric pens for when the inevitable happens. The pens are new as I wanted to decorate my gray workout shirts. I realized they’d work great on the stained white shirts, too. 🙂 I’ve been in a book club but didn’t care for the reading choices; I felt like I’d lost hours with unwanted relationships, not with the people but with the characters in the books. I’m currently reading “Can’t Hurt Me” by David Goggins.

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  3. Love this entertaining piece! My book club meets at the library so, unfortunately, no wine involved. We just read “Eleanor Oliphant is completely fine,” and I truly enjoyed it. I just started “A Tree Grows in Brooklyn.” It’s a long one, but I hope to get drawn in…

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  4. Fun and funny post! Just finished “The Murmur of Bees” by Sofia Segovia. Amazing work and novel. I continue to discover that Mexican authors translated to English, paint such great images with the language itself, so rich and beautiful for all of the senses.

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  5. The miracle of wine, a perfect beverage to our body… unfortunately wine stains… well as member of book club, literature and wine , a glass no bottle is a perfect binomy. 🍷👍👍👍

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  6. You could always just serve water. When people complain just say “Hey, are you here to discuss books or get liquored up?”

    You know, now that I think about it, I’m not a very popular host.

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  7. This is fantastic! I admit I try not to serve people red wine… But if I do I watch them like a hawk, without looking too crazy!
    So lovely that you’re part of a book club! I must see if I have a local one that I can join. I’m currently reading The Sunday book club, I’d certainly recommend it xxx

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  8. I’m an enthusiastic, and uncoordinated diner and drinker, and everything in my apartment is done with Jackson Pollack fabrics. People ask, wow, was that Expensive? and I tell them, no, Accidental.
    I really like the idea of the laundry room book club – – whoever is reading out loud, should sit on the washer during Spin cycle, to give their voice that great vibrato.

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    1. I love the idea of Jackson Pollack fabrics–why didn’t I think of that? I’ll have to redecorate. And, yes–I should actually run the washer during the book club–excellent idea!

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  10. I just move something over the stain. Like pillows, my butt, books, etc. if they can’t see it, it doesn’t exist.
    No book club. I am reading the 7th book out of the 8 book series of Outlander. Nothing like a hot redhead Scotsman and a time traveler wife. With a bit of historical content and of course sex.

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  11. A great laugh to start off the day. Apologies but no miracle wine stain remover to suggest, although I have heard that white wine works a treat over red wine. Never tried it myself though.

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  13. An expanding stain… certainly not the miracle you’d hope for! I’m so sorry but I laughed all the way through this!
    I’m afraid I have no miraculous tips to share, but I did come across this that looks interesting in providing potentially useful suggestions – though I’ll warn you first I spotted kitty litter on the list of ingredients for the home made remover! https://www.lacrema.com/remove-red-wine-stains/
    Caz xx

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    1. Thanks! I saw an “easy craft” online for making a dress out of a pillow case and it really does look like a pillow case with the arms cut out for a dress, so it would look perfect with the sock and the couch–as a kind of “furniture” clothing theme:)

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  16. Very good wine shouldn’t leave stain. Shouldn’t. No book club for me, but I love reading very much. At the momento my favourite writer is Stefan Zweig. My “alwais” favourite writers are José Saramago and Gabriel Garcia Marquez. Do you know?

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