If sailing on silken waves of vanilla and blackberries seems like a far-fetched dream, it’s not. Simply stick a spoon into a 5.3-ounce cup of Chobani blackberry fat free Greek yogurt, and you’ll be aboard a luxury ship, cruising alongside delicious fluffy dolphins, full of live and active yogurt cultures. I set sail on this ship last night, and I will never turn back. I will never slurp yogurt from a tube ever again. Chobani is my one and only.
To be absolutely fair though, I didn’t “discover” Chobani yogurt on my own. Nate and Alex discovered it a long time ago because Greek yogurt is full of protein, and they need lots of protein to be able to run the finances for the county (Nate), and watch TicTok videos (Alex—and sometimes, Nate). I’m lying, of course. They need protein because they also lift weights, and Alex swims competitively. I, on the other hand, like to run, but I will only lift up to fifteen pounds, which is what the cat weighs, so once a day, I pick him up off the couch and set him on the floor so that I can have the couch to myself. This activity alone depletes my protein supply, so I ripped open a cup of Chobani yogurt to reverse the damage I’ve done for so many years. When I first tasted this yogurt, I soon realized that this form of protein delivery system was exactly what I needed. Why had I waited so long? I would never wait again. So, I ate another one right away.
“Are you having a second yogurt?” Nate asked.
“Yep. Yep I am. I need to bulk up for all of the typing I do. Plus, I do lift the cat sometimes, so. . . yeah. This is long overdue.”
When I opened my second yogurt, that’s when I was fully aware that I had been swept away on seas of velvety lusciousness. And the all-inclusive resort ship upon which I was sailing, docked near sugar-sand sparkling beaches that had wild horses. One was named Chobani, and we rode off into the sunset. When I opened my eyes, the dream was gone, and I was sitting on the couch with Nate and Alex. They were eating yogurt too. I wondered if they’d seen the things I’d seen. I wondered if they knew about the horse named Chobani, and if they’ve ever seen fluffy active bacteria S. thermophilus and L. bulgaricus dolphins. The room was silent as we ate. Something in the way that they dipped their spoons slowly into their yogurt cups told me that they had. They had seen these things, and they’re telling no one.
Your Turn: What is your new favorite thing?