Bruschetta Movie Night: Malignant


If bruschetta had an evil twin, it would be a Ritz cracker topped with a slice of tomato and melted cheddar cheese. At least, that’s what Nate thought when I brought up my favorite snacky-snack of all times, last night, when we sat down to watch Malignant.

Me: Ritz cracker snacks are the best—so buttery—and then you’re hit with the sweet, tangy tomato and melted cheese.

Nate: Sounds like back-woods bruschetta.

Me: It’s delicious.

Nate: Why would you do that? To a perfectly good tomato? And cheese?

Me: Fine, I’ll just make bruschetta, then.

So, I paused our horror flick to murder a few tomatoes from the garden—about a dozen or so the size of buckeyes—Jamie Oliver style. That is, I squeezed them with my bare hands into a bowl, tearing the remaining chunks into bite-sized pieces. Then, I took a knife to the fresh basil growing outside—slicing it into ribbons, about a quarter cup or so—and then chopped the bits in half, adding them to the bloody tomatoes.

Next, I sliced up a baguette, placed the pieces onto a baking sheet, and browned one side under the broiler. Then, I flipped them over and brushed them with good quality olive oil, chopped garlic, and sea salt and ground, black pepper. Back under the broiler, they toasted up nicely.

After taking them out of the broiler, I topped them with the tomatoes and basil, along with just a taste of sea salt and ground, black pepper.

Results: Nate gave it a five-star review: “One of the best bruschetta versions I’ve ever tasted.” Soon, the bruschetta pieces were gone before the opening scene of the movie was over, so I mentioned that we still had some Ritz crackers and tomatoes and cheese in the kitchen. Nate’s “hell no,” told me he would never be convinced to try bruschetta’s evil twin, but if you want to make fresh bruschetta at home, it’s pretty simple. Or, to keep with the premise of the movie, you might flavor both sides of the crostini to create an “evil twin.” Perhaps the bright, tomato-y top needs a spicy red humus, underneath. Or a smear of cream cheese could hold a dark, briny, and luscious olive tapenade to contrast with the tomato and basil mixture on top. Or, in Nate’s case, I might stick a Ritz cracker on the other side of the crostini—along with more tomatoes and cheddar cheese. Sure, I’d risk my five-star review, but instigating a classic horror jump-scream reaction, from a snack, would be so worth it.

Your Turn: What’s a movie you have recently enjoyed?

27 thoughts on “Bruschetta Movie Night: Malignant

  1. “Jungle Cruise” Silly, mindless good fun, “B-Grade Raiders of the Lost Ark full of Pirates of the Caribbean.”
    I don’t think the Ritz crackers sounds like evil twins! They’d have a fake accent and a goatee, which would make them too chewy. Every New Year’s, we put cheese and olives sliced in half on the crackers and slide that under the broiler, messy but good.

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  2. Movies I wouldn’t know. Haven’t seen anything good lately. But my mom used to (and so did I) munch on Triscuit shredded wheat cookies with Edam cheese. In case you haven’t seen them they are these red wax covered cannonballs of Dutch cheese. We could put away some crackers and cheese while making dinner. It was sometimes better than…

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  3. A Ritz cracker with butter, cheese, and tomato sounds perfect to me.
    Australia recently announced the acquisition of nuclear-powered submarines, so I went on a submarine movie binge. Hunter Killer, The Hunt for Red October, Crimson Tide, and The Wolf’s Cry. I’ve also been watching Vigil, a British TV drama about the nuclear powered HMS Vigil. While not nuclear powered. The U-boat movie Das Boot is spectacular.

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  4. We’re totally making this tonight. Broiler or toaster oven? Have you tried it in a toaster oven? We also have tomatoes from our garden. I’m thinking growing our own basil and also cilantro (because we make a lot of homemade salsa and end up buying cilantro like chumps) needs to happen.

    Movies?… We’re more into tv shows lately, but we did watch the recent Dolittle with the kids. It was… a kids movie. Cute for kids. For adults… eh.

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      1. We have one now. Picked it up from the curb where someone was putting stuff out to get rid of. “Why thank you,” thought I. My hubby is just about done making some bruschetta for me as I type… he probably used the oven. I don’t think he knows how to use the broiler, and I didn’t think to mention it to him. :/

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    1. Covid has certainly restricted quite a few things for people around here. We’ve had fun as a family discovering new hobbies we can do during Covid times–and we haven’t been to a movie theater yet. We just watch them on TV. Hope you get to do your hobby soon!

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