
The pantry monster is much worse than I’d ever imagined—and the craft alarm is going full blast. I managed a peek, and it looks something like a very threatening snail, octopus, crab combination (a snailcrabtopus?)—but also, very much like a bunch of overflowing boxes, cans, and canisters, stashed every which way—and growing eyes, a head, feet, and arms. So I keep the door closed, for a reason. I don’t want to see it.
However, Nate likes to open the door, look for a snack—and then leave it open—so I have to look at the pantry monster in all its horror.
One time, I came into the kitchen after running on the treadmill in the garage—my earphones still attached to my head, blaring music—so I could hear nothing. I saw the pantry door was open, so I shut it, and went over to the kitchen sink to get some water, and that’s when I sensed something near my shoulder, so I turned around, startled. But it was just Nate, and he was gesturing wildly. So, I took my headphones off, and he explained that I had just shut him in the pantry earlier.
Well thank goodness he didn’t meet the pantry monster. But I decided that was too close of a call. Hence this sign:

This craft took just a few minutes to make in Word. First, I searched my phone for pictures of animals that I had taken, and then I downloaded them onto my desktop and cropped and edited them to create the pantry monster. These images, together, added the much-needed, real-world feel I thought would get the message across. But I didn’t want my sign to be too scary, so I toned it down with a font called “Jokerman.” The words, “WARNING: Close the door or the pantry monster will escape, and yes, that’s bad. Really bad,” look nice and playful—but not too playful.
In any case, all that’s needed is a little clear tape, and I can slap that sign on the pantry door. Sure, most people have “Live, Laugh, Love” signs in dreamy script, but there’s no time for living, laughing, and loving when your husband could potentially be trapped with a crumby creature that’s got a can of soup for a head—and it’s about to crash out.
I just hope this sign helps someone else out there. To stay safe, get a craft alarm and lock your door. Only you can prevent pantry raids of the monstrous kind.
Your Turn: Do you like to have/make decorative signs for your house or for your front door?
Coincidentally, I just read a Substack post about ocean killer snails. For read.
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And…another reason not to go into the ocean–or the pantry.
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Exactly.
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No, the only signs are on my storage jars and boxes so I know exactly what’s in my pantry!
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I like that idea. I’ll label one of my storage jars “pantry monster,” just in case.
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One of the good things about living alone is the pantry monster is at no risk of escaping…😆
I don’t even have a pantry because my cooking ingredients are all in my refrigerator.
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Good thinking. If you get rid of the pantry, you get rid of the monster. Love it!
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I used to when I had teenagers but don’t really need them any more. I’ve never really been a fan of signs like “live, laugh, love.” Ones like yours are much more practical and realistic. 😊
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I used to love seeing the “kitchen witch” stuff that came out in the ’80s, but yeah, we never did kitchen signs growing up–and I don’t really have them now.
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Octosnail? Maybe you can also make face cream with it! The one sign I have in my kitchen is a quote from Oscar Wilde, which is “Work: The curse of the drinking class.”🤣
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Face cream? But will my face freeze like that? Like it has permanently seen the pantry monster? I love that Oscar Wilde sign! I’m going to have to get me one of those.
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The pantry monster is giving me Cthulhu vibes. 🙂
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Yes! It’s closely related, I think.
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I might need that picture on my biscuit jar to scare me every time I fetch one too many😂Most of my house signs are directed to my girls who too often forget they are supposed to be ladies , especially when it comes to the hygiene of their bathroom or bedrooms 🤣
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Ha! I can just imagine those signs. Cheers!
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