Fixin' Leaks and Leeks

Our banana trees have reached Big Friendly Giant status, even with a sprinkler system that is spit or miss. The leaves are just starting to reach up over the fence to creep out the neighborhood children as they play in the green space beyond. However, if you’re concerned that a banana might fall on an unsuspecting dog or loose bear, don’t be. The Big Friendly Giant banana tree is shooting blanks. No wild bananas will accidentally thrust themselves upon anyone’s sandbox.

But do we grow things we can actually eat in our backyard? Yes: herbs, tomatoes, and peppers. Once, one of our ceramic pots gave birth to a pineapple we named Happy Hour. It was a very small Happy Hour. Very tasty, too.

And now, we’d like bananas. So Nate did some research and discovered we could plant a a variation of a dwarf banana tree that could possibly erupt in some kind of Cavendish bananas someday, but we’d have to start growing it in a pot indoors—and then bring it out to the backyard—next spring.

Ugh. Why does it take so long to grow a banana? According to Texas A&M AgriLife Extension’s Julian W. Sauls, in an article named “Banana,” they just do. And Nate’s ready for it. He’s got a pot picked out, I’ll wager—and will run to the gardening center soon to get a sturdy specimen and plant it in nutrient-rich soil. It will reside all winter, next to our Monstera plant, in our bedroom and probably won’t want to leave (pun intended). Hopefully it grows bananas. I can usually go for a snack around midnight and fresh bananas, in the bedroom, is the flex I need right now.

In the meantime, I must think of names for our future bundle of banana joy. I’ve limited them to these choices:

• Minions Meat
• My Little Smoothie
• Cocktail Bait
• Banananananananaaaah
• Banana Bestie
• Banana Bruh
• Afterparty

Your Turn: If you have a fun name for a banana/banana tree, put it in the comments below. OR: What’s growing in your neck of the woods?