Fixin' Leaks and Leeks

Ye olde mummy costume is haute (as hell) couture this season, so I’ll be stuffing hot dogs into strips of dough to make them even more terrifying than they should be. (Ooooohh. Look out! Delicious, processed meat has been resurrected from the grave and wrapped in sooo many carbs.) I’m guessing ye olde mummy costume began around 1857-diddity-do when little ghouls of wealthier means, with reckless abandon for what things were worth, wrapped themselves in precious toilet paper, which cost 50 cents for 500 sheets, forcing their parents to resort to corn cobs and newspapers for the rest of the year. In any case, we had to wait until Betty Crocker came along in the late 1950s with a cookbook for boys and girls, which suggested they make pigs in a blanket. It was a wholesome alternative, I suppose, to what boys and girls could otherwise cook up on their own in the bushes on Halloween night.

Creating mummy dogs is not a hard thing to do, to pep up your paranormal meal prep. Hot dogs go willingly into dough of any kind. It seems they almost welcome it. It’s like a weighted blanket, I guess, for when the bun just gets to be too squishy.

Here’s my recipe, in case you want one, but there are lots of versions—even some that put the hot dog on a stick, which is a very convenient to-go option when you want to toilet paper houses:

Ingredients:

• Hot dogs—as many as you want. I chose five turkey dogs, from a package, for our family of three.
• Refrigerated dough—or, use your own favorite bread dough recipe. I just made mine from 2 ¼ teaspoons of rapid rise yeast, 1 ¼ cups of warm water (which I let rest for five minutes). Then, I added 1 teaspoon of salt and about three cups of flour, mixing one cup at a time. Kneading the dough only took about 5-10 minutes, then I let it rest for about ten minutes.
• Cheese (optional)

Method:

• Cut the dough into rounds about the size of the palm of your hand. Cut as many rounds/pieces as you need for the number of hot dogs/mummies you want to make.
• Roll the dough rounds into oblong ovals and place them on a prepared cookie sheet. Place the ovals about 1 inch apart.
• Firmly place the hot dogs right into the center of the ovals.
• If you’re using cheese, cut a slit down the center of the hot dog, but be careful not to cut it all the way through lengthwise. Then, stuff tiny cheese slices or shredded cheese into the slit.
• Cut strips of dough along the outer edges of the oval, but don’t cut into the center.
• Alternate the strips of dough, wrapping them crisscross-style across the hot dog.
• Brush with water to make the top crispy when it bakes.
• Bake at 450F for 15 minutes.
• If you want, you can give it “eyes” with capers, using a little dab of cream cheese as “glue.”

Results: It was a bit on the salty side. Dipping them in mustard helped lessen the saltiness for some reason. The bread dough was comforting and yummy, but I found the whole thing kind of rich. I could only eat one. Maybe it was the cheesy addition; however, I can’t even begin to imagine a mummy without a gooey center, so there’s that.

Serve these with:

• Bug bile (mustard)
• Brain bits (SpaghettiOs)
• Worm pupae (french fries)
• The piña colada the werewolf of London was drinking at Trader Vic’s
• The Creature from the Black Lagoon
• Some kid’s Halloween stash
• Ye olde cauldron of candy corn-flavored moonshine

Your Turn: What’s your favorite spin/take on a “classic” recipe?