High alerts went out on the neighborhood Facebook page when rumors spread that I was looking for cupcake holders—and I wouldn’t be using them the way they were intended to be used. Through the power of adhesive tape, an HGTV video, and sheer force, these cupcake holders would never be the same. They would be added to a gift-wrapping first-aid kit, clearly marked with the words, “Break in case of a bow shortage.”
Since I have to check Facebook daily to find out if I made it onto the neighborhood naughty list for some reason buried in paragraph 5,945 of the homeowners’ association manual, I am treacherously exposed to distracting videos and advertisements. As a result, I can’t always finish my work on time and I run into crafts projects I just “have to try.” This link here, from HGTV was too tempting for me to ignore, so I’m sharing it now with you so that you can be haunted by it as well. In all honesty, I really enjoyed this project. It took all of five minutes tops—and I didn’t even follow the directions that well. I just got the “gist” and went with it. The idea is pure genius, so I’m re-creating the scenario from which this invention was probably born:
Exhausted Gift Wrapper: I’m pretty sure there are bows and wrapping paper shoved in the closet somewhere. . . . Ah. . . here we go: Wrapping paper, dribs and drabs of clear tape, some old shoeboxes, shreds of curly tape, and . . . oh no! No! There are no bows! Okay, don’t panic—just print off pictures of bows from the Internet and tape them to the presents. . . That’s it. . . nice and easy. . . no one will know.
Except: The HGTV people said, “No! Don’t print off pictures of bows! Use cupcake liners!” And it works—it really, really works.
This year, with these bows, I think I can place more professional-looking wrapped gifts under the tree. Usually, they look like Krampus challenged me to an eggnog drinking contest and then we’d wrestle—and I’d win, but the presents—all wonky and battered—would bear the scars. All these years, they’ve been screaming and crying inside—begging me to just raid the pantry. “The cupcake liners are next to the corn!” they were saying, “Next to the canned corn!”
In Other News: I have two more short stories that were accepted in literary magazines! This first one is called “On the Downbeat” and it’s about a narrator’s obsession with a song. The link is here: “On the Downbeat.” This next one is in print only. Open Minds Quarterly, a magazine that raises awareness about mental illness, printed my short fictional story “Exposure Therapy” in the fall issue. You can find a link to the magazine here: Open Minds Quarterly
Your Turn: Do you enjoy wrapping packages for the holidays or for birthdays? Or, do you try to get someone else to do it for you?