A fire-breathing dragon infestation, which was documented in rare manuscripts made up by the Fixin’ Leaks and Leeks Team, once led to frustrating years of isolation for wealthy castle-owners. In an attempt to still make a buck or two, they opened up their rocky courtyards to tourists who were brave enough to venture into fire-breathing dragon territory. Signs leading to these rocky courtyards read, “Open for Take-Out and Make-Believe.” Tourists could fill their pantaloons and petticoats with all of the rockin’ rocks they could find and either leave them “as is” or use paint to turn them into delightful replicas of nature or celebrities. Best of all, they didn’t need any special weapons in order to hunt the rocks. They could leave their sharpened swords, lances, spears, and knives at home. In fact, some of the rocks could just be thrown at any menacing fire-breathing dragons that would get in the way, and they’d drop from the sky, already cooked. Some of the fanciest rock-hunting places also carried delicious spice rubs that tourists could take home if they were lucky enough to hit a tasty dragon in the head and knock it from the sky.
As you can see, rock hunting is not nearly as exciting or dangerous as it once was, but Nate, Alex, and I took the ferry to Whidbey Island to wrangle up a few rocks that might be getting a little too comfortable along the shoreline of the Puget Sound. In particular, we were looking for a rock for our own dangerous feline creature that does not shoot fire. Instead, SeaTac the cat shoots vomit because he eats too quickly. So, at the last doctor’s visit, the vet technician suggested we stick a rock in his bowl so that he has to eat slowly around it. During our hunt then, we found a very nice rock that shines like crystal in the sun. SeaTac does not appreciate it nearly as much as we do. In fact, when I first stuck it in his bowl, I swore I could hear him say,
“What the @!!? What is this? What do I do with it?”
Eventually, he pushed it out of the way and ate around his food. Hopefully, that rock helps him keep his food down.
Of course, we couldn’t go home with just one rock. Nate, Alex, and I didn’t exactly fill our pantaloons with a harvest of hardened soil and minerals, but I did find at least one other that I could turn into a ladybug, and here it is:
I especially like how you can still see the glue hardening around the googly eyes and the dots, which add real-life touches to the painted parts. It’s like the ladybug is really coming at you. Either that, or it’s trying to send out a warning as best as it can, through its very expressive eyes, that there’s a fire-breathing dragon in the area. Take cover.
In Other News: “The Dishwasher” is a story I wrote several years ago about a dishwasher that eats people. As you can imagine, it got rejected. A lot. However, The Daily Drunk Magazine just accepted it, and you can read this short, short piece of fiction here: The Dishwasher.
Your Turn: Have you ever painted a rock or collected rocks on a beach? Discuss.