Shut It: Kitchen Cabinet Calamities


The “Stubborn Cabinet Hoedown” is a delightful kitchen ditty that’s rolled right off our tongues since we moved into our present house nearly five years ago. It goes something like this:

Kick the cabinet

Give it a push

Dry the fridge pee

Swoosh, swoosh, swoosh.

Turn around,

The door’s open again.

Kick it harder,

Grab some gin.

You see, there is one lower cabinet door, right below the sink, that just won’t shut. And sometimes, after the Fixin’ Leaks and Leeks Team has cleaned the entire house, and it shines like firecrackers and diamonds that explode in the night, I notice the one kitchen cabinet that won’t close, and I wonder why I bother to clean the house.

Over the years, I think we’ve kicked that cabinet door closed at least 27, 375 times, if you count all three of us kicking the door five times a day, 365 days a year, for five full years. We may even have round door-pull handles permanently etched into our legs by now.

In any case, Nate suggested, today, that we get a magnet catch of sorts to keep the cabinet door closed. (Happy early Mother’s Day to me!) The whole project took all of maybe ten minutes and cost about $1.25. I did not see or participate in this project because I fell down a Twitter hole, but I did participate in the preparation for this project which consisted of the following steps:

–Go with Nate to Target for headphones for work and more gin.

–Drive to the jeweler’s with Nate to pick up his ring, which is super shiny now and re-sized.

–Walk the entire length of the mall looking for a card shop. Discover that all card shops are permanently closed.

–Go to a music store.

–Head to Lowe’s for a filter and the magnetic cabinet catch. Listen attentively to the loudspeaker noise and discover that if there is a forklift emergency of some kind, it’s called “Code 50” at Lowe’s: “Code 50! We’re having a Code 50!” Think to self: “This might be important to remember.”

After I emerged from the Twitter trench, Nate told me he just drilled a few holes, put in a few screws, and now the cabinet closes. It finally closes!

Next fix: The refrigerator that leaks:

No more swoosh, swoosh, swoosh.

Leaky fridge, away! We’ll push!

We’re gonna go “Code 50”

‘Cause a new fridge would be nifty.

In Other News: I have a really fun short story up in Idle Ink. I wrote it for all of the badasses out there. You know you areJ In any case, they have housed it under the “humour/music” section, and you can read it for free here: “Guitar Girl.”

I also have a fun cocktail review up in The Daily Drunk. It’s called “Cherry Blossom Cocktail.”

Your Turn: Do you have a drawer/closet door/cabinet door that just won’t close? Have you ever fixed it?

29 thoughts on “Shut It: Kitchen Cabinet Calamities

  1. We have ne cabinet, but it doesn’t shut because sometimes the hinge gets wonky. The problem is the placement of the cabinet, so we try to push the door back too much

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I love how everything in the Fixin’ Leaks and Leeks HQ always turns into an adventure! I haven’t had a piece of furniture that refuses to close for a while, but my old wardrobe had a sliding door which insisted on falling – usually on my toes – whenever I opened or closed it.

    …I have a dresser now. Cheers!


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