Amidst a heat wave-induced brownout, I noticed that the potato masher was missing from the Fixin’ Leaks and Leeks kitchen, and I needed it so that I could sneak up on four bananas and turn them into banana bread. If they saw the blender (which was already occupied for making piña coladas), they’d run for sure, but a potato masher doesn’t look as intimidating, so you can imagine my frustration when I couldn’t find it.
Nate and I scoured the kitchen for the potato masher, to no avail, so we came up with a few theories:
–Ghosts.
–The electrical company manufactured a heat wave in order to plan a brownout, sneak into the kitchen, steal just the potato masher, wrap it in tin foil, strap it to the roof of the electrical power headquarters, and signal life forms from outer space while laughing and drinking beer.
–It’s in my purse.
–It’s on my face (like my glasses, when I’m looking for them).
–The dryer ate it and will spit it out a year or two later, along with a few socks that have gone missing too. (I’ll just have to be patient.)
We still have not solved the mystery, but I’m happy to report that a pastry knife will work just as well if your potato masher has been stolen for nefarious reasons, and the blender is blending tropical drinks—or if you have bananas that look like they will skip town.
Despite the tension rising in the kitchen like a steam bath of uncertainty, the banana bread turned out great! I followed the recipe for Skinny Banana Bread by Lauren Allen, but I used egg substitute for the egg and reduced-fat margarine for the butter.
Fresh from the oven, the bread was packed full of banana flavor. Also, we pretty much devoured the loaf in one sitting—partly because it was that good—but also because we thought we might find the potato masher inside.
And. .. we did NOT find the potato masher inside. It’s still missing, but I wouldn’t put it past myself to drop a potato masher into bread batter, bake it up, and announce that the prize inside was something I had totally intended. Meanwhile, I’m telling the Fixin’ Leaks and Leeks team to check my purse for the TV remote, and now that I think of it—we should check the couch cushions, one last time, for the potato masher.
In Other News: I have a couple more stories out:
“Stray Hairs” is a dark, experimental story that you can read on pages 6-7 of Streetcake Magazine’s 73rd issue, part 2.
“Muzak” is a quirky story in Tiny Molecules. The editors called it “deadpan weirdness,” which is one of the best compliments ever–for me, anyway.
Your Turn: What are items that you constantly lose? Where do you find them?
Fixin' Leaks and Leeks 
Potato mashers have been a restless and discontented bunch for a while now, so I’m not surprised. They keep banging on about wanting to mash other things besides potatoes. 😉
Yes, weirdly deadpan is a good description!
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Ah! The potato masher did it! Love it!
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maybe your cat took it? that way they could reach the bathtub faucet and turn it back on? So strange when things just seem to disappear! But the banana bread looks good. I’m actually getting ready to make some banana muffins with some over ripe bananas.
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It is very possible that the cat took it. He’s quite sneaky:)
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Ha!
Perhaps your potato masher stepped out for a quick drink of it’s own being inspired by your piña coladas and considering it was a brownout, he/she thought they would not be missed. After one two many drinks, your potato masher is sleeping one off by the side of the road just down the street from your house.
Glad you were able to persevere with the pastry knife and produce a delicious looking banana bread.
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Yes–the potato masher got smashed! Love it!
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I think you did the wise thing by sneaking up on those bananas. Bananas can’t be trusted! I haven’t lost anything recently. But my wife found something of interest the other day: a lunch menu from April 1979 from a hotel in the Catskill Mountains. The Catskills used to be a popular vacation destination. There were many hotels there. But all of them are gone.
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That does sound interesting! What was on the menu back in 1979?
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Here’s a few of the items: apricot nectar. Tomato rice soup. Broiled snapper. Cottage cheese salad with fruits. Boston creme pie.
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Thank you! Feeling nostalgic!
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I hope you post a sequel, when the masher finally surfaces, curious where it got to (did you check the grasscatcher bag on the lawnmower?) I’m thinking if you were to keep a few squids around the kitchen, maybe they could live in the dishwasher, seems like they’d be naturals at potato mashing, much better than octopuses, who generally swipe the potato mashers and piña colada glasses for their octopus gardens. Enjoyed this post and the Muzak story!
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Ooh! A sequel! I definitely need to have a sequel. And thanks for reading!
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I haven’t made banana bread in ages. It seems like a potato masher would be a hard thing to lose, but I lose things like that all the time. (It comes from having too much stuff.) Congratulations on your latest publications! (They were a walk on the weird side.)
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I thought the same thing: A potato masher is hard to lose, but here we are, several days later, and I still haven’t found it. Thanks for reading!
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You’re welcome! If you ever do find the elusive potato masher, please let us know.
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I will have to write a celebratory sequel:)
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I shall look forward to it!
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Yikes to the stories! And I thought I was ready to go to sleep:)
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Thank you so much for reading!
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Always my pleasure:)
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Wow, it’s frustrating when an object that no one would take or move is not where it should be. I hope you find the potato masher. I’d attach a heavy chain to it when you find it. I’m still looking for a pen I’ve misplaced somewhere. It’ll pop up when I least expect it.
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Oh! That’s a great idea! I should chain all of my kitchen utensils down. Ha! That would show them!
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Yes, big heavy chains with enormous padlocks 😉
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Have you looked in the garage?
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Good idea!
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I loved Muzak, weird deadpan describes it perfectly!
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We have recently lost a saucepan. It’s been gone for two months and considering we’re locked down, I can’t imagine where it could be! Loved the stories—but I hope hearing constant music doesn’t mean my tentacled demise as well!
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OMG! You hear the music, too? 🙂 Thanks for reading!
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I often lose my glasses, specially when they are on my nose 😉
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Yes! Me, too! Ha!
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