The Door is Not a Jar

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If scorching temperatures warp the sliding glass door, such that it won’t slide open anymore, there’s no need to run out the front entrance, scale the fence to the side yard, and risk ramming splinters into your thighs. You’ll just be disappointed. You’ll discover that the gnome house you thought you saw in the backyard is really just a mushroom, probably poisonous.

Instead, think the problem through, like this: I’m supposed to leave on a rare date with Nate here soon, and if he discovers that the sliding glass door won’t open, he’ll try to fix it “in less than ten minutes—that’s all it will take,” and there goes the date. Since the door is most likely just swollen from the heat, when the temperatures go back down, the door will work again. The problem will fix itself. No need to tell Nate.

However, Nate, on the way to the date, will stop by the kitchen and look out in the backyard. He won’t see the gnome house you thought you saw earlier, but he will see what looks like a rabbit eating the lettuce. (It’s not a rabbit, though. It doesn’t even look like a rabbit. It’s probably my purse, which I most likely dropped while scaling the fence. Why would I have my purse while scaling a fence? That’s where I keep my iPhone, for snapping pictures of gnome houses. You never know when you’ll see one.)

When Nate couldn’t get the door to open, he looked pretty upset. He looked determined to fix that door, and I realized that we weren’t going anywhere until that door was fixed, so I offered some suggestions, based on my experiences opening stubborn lids of jars, when Nate is not around:

–Get the grippy jar opener thing out—maybe the handle’s just stuck?

–Run the whole thing under hot water.

–Find the “lid” and pound on it until it bends in just the right way, and then it comes unscrewed from there.

I also thought about greasing up the base of the door, but Nate had other ideas that involved a Phillips-head screwdriver and YouTube videos. I took the following notes:

First, in the “discovery” phase of the repair session, Nate pounded the door in various places to discover where or how it might be stuck. Then, he started to loosen some of the screws at the base of the door, finding just the right combination of righty-tighty-lefty-loosey to make the door slide open. Sometimes, it looked like it would fall right off its hinges, it slid so fast—like Space Mountain except with scenes of potted plants and vegetables zipping by. Other times, it just bumped along, getting hung up somewhere along the way between the sloping hill and the garden hose on the other side.

I’m not sure which YouTube videos Nate watched. There are quite a number of them online. (Apparently sliding glass doors give people a lot of trouble.) But thanks to the videos and the Phillips-head screwdriver, we still made our date.

Afterwards, we retreated to the patio, where we sipped drinks in the warm, warm setting sun—wondering if it was possible for a sliding glass door to warp, from the inside—wondering if we’d ever see our living room again.

Your Turn: What is something you are able fix quickly if it breaks?

Published by ckennedy

Author of the DIY blog: Fixin' Leaks and Leeks. Paper/Rock Writing Consultation, Sole Proprietor.

25 thoughts on “The Door is Not a Jar”

  2. I’m sorry you and Nate didn’t get to your date; however, it sounds like Nate is happy with his endeavours, and you, while not perfect, you got to write about them.
    I’m not sure about your interest in gnomes, though. Apparently, where I live, a gnome in the garden out the front means the inhabitants inside are swingers.

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    1. Actually, we did get our date. Nate fixed the door in a short amount of time and we were able to go out and then enjoy a drink or two on the patio–and the door still works:) As far as the gnomes go–I did not know that. I was just looking for magical gnome houses that might suddenly appear overnight. I didn’t know there was another interpretation–interesting! Cheers!

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  6. What you really need is a gate! Nate and Ken are so much alike—“ooh, I’m going to replace the porch columns” has turned into another major construction project complete with balconies and cedar shakes and…but it will be beautiful when it’s done. “When” being the key word!

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  10. Excellent fix-it ideas, I would’ve given the hot water approach a try, although maybe time-consuming to mop up the floor. Or maybe duct-taped some of those reusable freezer packs to the door to ice it down. I have actually fixed a stuck patio door, by finally looking down and remembering I’d jammed a piece of metal pipe in the bottom track, to make it harder for a burglar to get it open

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  11. What is something you are able fix quickly if it breaks? Nothing. But I’m so glad Nate was able to fix this and you still made your date. Strange that this hasn’t happened with either of our sliding glass doors.

    Great. Now that I’ve said that…

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