It’s Shark Week: Drink Up!

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In my darkest fears, a great white lurks in the toilet bowl, swimming pools team with gangs of rowdy makos, and a restless tiger shark circles the floor space between my bed and the bathroom at 3 a.m. However, it had never occurred to me to fear the depths of the innocent margarita glass, until now: I’ve discovered there’s such a thing as a margarita shark.

The margarita shark waits in the distance, about three margaritas away, but it can sense your lips on the glass in just the time it takes to drink one margarita. The following list contains fun facts about margarita sharks:

–They are sneaky.

–They know when you get distracted.

–Most people encounter margarita sharks when they set their drink down, do something else for a while, and then come back to their drink.

–Many people report that when they pick up a glass that has a margarita shark in it, they can tell something is wrong, but they can’t quite figure out why.

–Most people don’t notice the shark until they bring the glass to their faces and see the distinct white fin sticking up from the side, and then bam! They’re throwing their drink in someone’s face and shrieking in terror.

–A squeeze of lime or a ring of salt around the rim does little to deter the margarita shark.

–The margarita fin is a delicacy. It tastes like marshmallows.

In any case, the Fixin’ Leaks and Leeks Margarita Shark Drink consists of blue curacao, ice, tequila, and limeade. To make the shark fin, find a marshmallow, roll it flat with a rolling pin, and cut out a triangle. Smash the triangle onto the side of the drink.

This drink pairs well with just about any prank gift you have lying around, such as this Impaled Zombie Desk Accessory from Wayfair. But don’t let the shark eat it. Then, you will have zombie sharks—but the good news is: you might have a new, delightful zombie shark drink to enjoy/throw in people’s faces.

Your Turn: Do nature shark shows scare or inspire you?

22 thoughts on “It’s Shark Week: Drink Up!

  1. I’m wondering how you safely surf across the bedroom floor and get past the tiger shark, I guess you could keep a couple tins of sardines on the nightstand, and toss out chum to distract it?
    Sharks don’t seem to be much of a problem in Lake Michigan, but I get spooked by seeing bluish people, usually it’s frostbite, Raynaud’s, or a lifetime of eating bratwurst, but now I’m wondering if they’ve been ingesting curacao with their Schlitz. Caught between the devil and the deep blue food dye.

    Liked by 2 people

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