An artillery of relaxation devices arrived in the mail, and I just unleashed their powers on my sore muscles, made all wonky by a single dose of the shingles vaccine. (It has been a wild week.) In other words, I got one of those “massage guns,” which sounds like an aggressive way to practice the art of massage on oneself. Here it is in a sentence: “When the plumbing in the house exploded, I was in such distress, that I pulled out a massage gun and pressed it directly onto my very tensed-up buttocks, and I pulled the trigger multiple times, at various speeds, using several different kinds of attachments.”
In my shingles vaccine-fevered mind, sentences like the one above ran through my head in a loop, until I forced myself to do some research and buy a massage gun, which came in the mail in a lovely kit, with various attachments.
So, why give a massage gun a whirl?
–The best, free massage can be provided by either Nate or the cat, but sometimes, they’re not around, especially when the plumbing explodes, and tension just stiffens muscles.
–Athletes and runners swear by them, and athletes and runners are cool. Therefore, I need a massage gun.
–Travel is a snap with the portable, compact massage gun, which you could use in line at the TSA counter, when you feel a little tense.
When the massage gun arrived, I must admit that it looked a little intimidating—like an actual weapon, but I just reminded myself that it was a weapon against aches and pains. Once I thought of it that way, I felt confident enough to open the instructions and read the safety warnings, which included all of the usual things: keep away from genitals, children, and water. All of my kitchen appliances come with the exact same warning, so no biggie there.
Different attachments are for different areas—from “sensitive” to “larger muscle groups,” and you can control the speed of the massage treatment you’re hoping to give yourself. The only disadvantage is that you still have to do some work—you can’t exactly fall asleep holding a massage gun to your shoulder, but here are some pro-tips:
–Play soft music in the background.
–Tape the massage gun to your shoulder, set a timer, and then move it every once in a while. (NOT RECOMMENDED IN THE OWNER’S MANUAL—I’ll let you know how it goes if I survive.)
Overall, I’m pretty impressed with the massage gun, blasting away the tension in my back. I’m switching attachments like a secret agent sent on a mission to relieve my own stress—feeling like a real 007, shooting tension with accuracy and style.
Your Turn: What do you do for aching, sore muscles?