Hands-On Experiment With Moisturizing


A blast of orange-scented moisturizing magic flung me into another dimension, from which I might never escape. It all started when Alex finished a shift at his summer job, working for a sunglass company in the mall. The sunglass kiosk is situated in a corner of a major department store, right next to the skin creams, and Alex was forced to take home the cutest, most enticing samples. After trying just a dab, my Wednesday took a turn for the amazingly otherworldly: I dreamed of sea creatures and orange groves, but I wasn’t in Florida, because there were also servers coming by with thick slices of Hula Pie. Clearly, I was in a Duke’s restaurant in Kauai, and my party of three had survived a three-hour wait to sit by the waterfall. It was heaven!

In any case, I’ve been indulging in these miracle sample sizes of hand cream that somehow manage to harness the power of citrus, but there are storm clouds on the horizon: What if I run out?

Oh, I’m sure I could get more, but Alex’s sunglass summer job does not come with any steep discounts at the skin creams counter in the store, I would imagine. So, the thought occurred to me to “MacGyver” a lotion for my hands with simple ingredients from the kitchen. What is skin cream, anyway, but mayonnaise and a fresh squeeze of orange juice?

My formula was simple: 1 tablespoon of mayonnaise + a few squirts of orange juice, whipped thoroughly and quickly with a spoon. The mixture came together with just a hint of yellowish orange color, which I thought was a good sign.

Alex and Nate were standing nearby when I conducted my experiment, and the looks on their faces said it all: mostly horror, mixed with equal parts of curiosity.

I dabbed a bit of the “lotion” on our hands, and the results were amazingly repulsive. I didn’t think it was possible to smell mayonnaise and orange juice separately, at the same time, on my hands, but I did. The smells did not blend. They did not even try. “Vinegar,” I believe was a word Alex used to describe it.

Then, there was the sensation: dry. Mayonnaise, on the skin, acts as a drying agent. On a sandwich, it’s a whole different situation, but on the hands, not so much.

So, we will be going sparingly on the expensive samples that Alex brought home—savoring every last drop. With mayonnaise, things just get out of hand.

In Other News: I’ve been experimenting with micro-fiction, and Paragraph Planet published a 75-word story of mine back in April–here’s a link. Use the pull-down menu to select April 1.  It’s called “Couch Surfing.” 

Your Turn: What’s your favorite remedy for dry skin?





31 thoughts on “Hands-On Experiment With Moisturizing

  1. If the humidity isn’t in the single digits, like in AZ where the air sucks the moisture out of your skin, staying hydrated helps. We’ve had some rain so my skin isn’t having as much trouble with dryness.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Hi
    I commend you for trying to make a holistic remedy !
    Even if it didn’t work out
    I love coconut oil and then sometimes Avocado oil!

    But I really learned that we actually moisturize our skin from the inside
    So eating lots of good fats (not industrial seed oils like canola and vegetable oil! Those scar the liver) but eating meat with some of the fat and skin (because the fat free myth has been debunked for decades) and eating some grass fed butter
    -all helps the skin
    Because I am sure you know all this – but as the body’s largest organ, the skin is where the gut purges and dumps into!
    Skin health is an indication of guy health! It took me a long time to really grasp this – but my very healthy and moistured skin never gets lotion because it doors need it /
    Enjoyed your post!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. PS
    I forgot about fish oil caps (aldis has a five dollar bottle that is the best)
    And fish oil (or vitamin e oil) feeds the skin
    I met a girl in the sauna and told her about fish oil
    And a few months later she said after taking four caps a day he scalp was not dry anymore !
    So cool

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Bag Balm is purported to be the miracle salve for dry skin–but it sure is greasy! (I wasn’t able to find April 2022 on the Paragraph Planet site to read your microfiction.)


  5. That sounds great! For the link, you have to scroll down to a drop-down menu. After it says “Welcome to the Archive for April,” it says click “here” for May and click “here” to make comments. Don’t click on either of those. Instead, you should be able to see, below these items, this tiny selection prompt that says “select date.” April 30th is showing, but you can scroll through and find April 1. In any case, thanks for giving it a try! 🙂


  6. It might work for McGyver on TV but not in real life hey? It is a shame you didn’t have any sorbolene, or aqueous cream. Mixing that with orange juice may have worked a little better? As a sufferer of dry skin in winter, I have almost every chemist product designed to treat that condition. Some work better than others. But there is a problem if there’s no hand cream in the house!

    Liked by 1 person

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