Fixin' Leaks and Leeks

Tall, dry spindly things are poking up out of the lawn and I’m seriously concerned about them. I swear they’re talking smack every time I walk by—saying things like, “You think you can take us down? Really?” And that’s when I just go crazy and start training at water aerobics for 50 minutes a day,… Continue reading Show the Lawn Who’s Boss: Mow it!

An unexpected and horrible side effect of strawberry picking is the urge to clean out the freezer. I’ve fought this urge valiantly over the past year and a half—scoffing at loose frozen vegetables that are rolling about the bottom bin. I just cover them with stray Popsicles, but eventually a tower of frozen pizzas and… Continue reading Strawberry Picking Results in Organized Freezers, Homemade Muffins, and Bramping

My underpants helped me lose a humorous writing contest in a most spectacular way. This year’s Erma Bombeck Writing Contest, which would be judged by THE Dave Barry—for a few lucky finalists—prompted me to write about the time my underpants were destroyed. I laughed while I wrote. I laughed when I read the essay out… Continue reading How To Recycle Underpants

Rare and elusive, the sand dollar—in its whole form and not broken—is so valuable to me that I truly believe I could use at least five of them to pay outright for a hot tub: Me: Hi, there. I’ll take the Hot Bubbles 2020 Executive Model Spa. Sales Clerk: That’s a top-of-the-line pick—nice choice! Now,… Continue reading Sand Dollars, Bleach, and a Hot Tub

A Zombie infestation broke out on my treadmill the other day and I couldn’t be happier. Packs of hungry “Zoms” chased me for 3.3 miles while I completed some kind of mission—and I guess I was successful because I survived, picked up 11 supplies, and stole a CDC file while detouring through a hospital. (I… Continue reading How to Run with Zombies

A fiery, brilliant Pacific Northwest sun came blazing out of the sky and smacked me hard—really hard—on the legs on Mother’s Day weekend. To be fair, I wore sunscreen everywhere else— but my legs—on the weekend that Nate, Alex, and I walked along the Whidbey Island beaches for nearly 5 ½ hours. I figured I… Continue reading One Whale of a Sunburn

During a Halloween blitz through Epcot just a few years ago, inspiration struck me as I watched a woman stumble through the streets of the World Showcase. She had a beer in one hand and was wearing a shiny tiara. In that moment, I thought to myself, “I should really wear tiaras more often. They… Continue reading Craft Alert: “Everywhere” is Special When You’re Wearing a Crown, So Make One for Mother’s Day

If it hurts, don’t do it, unless it involves a spicy gauntlet of the Bongos Café fiery shrimp and black beans plate, which I believe must measure at least 100,000 units on the Scoville Heat Scale. Then, in that case, I suggest that you do it again, and again and again with plenty of yucca… Continue reading Black Bean Salsa Dreams

“Mouse Hunt’s”  funky synthesizer churns a chunka-a-chunk, bump, bump beat for a solid hour while a cartoon mouse darts across our 44-inch television screen–and SeaTac the cat is hooked.  Really hooked.  If I suddenly switch to the Food Network, he gives me the nastiest look and starts shaking.  The withdrawal symptoms are strong. Very Strong.… Continue reading Real Cat TV: A Hummingbird Feeder

Shouting, “Hey, Sexy!” into the phone, to test out the newly installed video doorbell system is a risky move—even if the man on the other side of the door is your husband. Apparently, the intercom system is really loud and, at 9 a.m. on a Sunday morning, neighbors might post to the neighborhood Facebook page… Continue reading You Can Ring My Bell: Video Doorbell System Installation Fun and Follies