If a musical beat traveled in a straight line, and two people were locked in an embrace, shuffling back and forth and side to side, how many minutes would it take them to collide with the wall-length mirror in the Arthur Murray Dance Studio, where they are taking lessons? Answer: Roughly 1.5 minutes on every… Continue reading Feel the Beat

We sham-rock hard here at the Fixin’ Leaks and Leeks Headquarters—turning the milk green, blasting Dropkick Murphys, and counting our lucky clovers that our cherished Guinness beer is not trapped in a shipping container at the bottom of the sea. Even the cat is green on the inside on St. Patrick’s Day. Literally. He ate… Continue reading Make a Craft that Sham-Rocks!

Service is terrible at the Fixin’ Leaks and Leeks “Family Bistro—” and there’s this free-range cat, tearing up and down the stairs, smacking into walls—but the whole experience is, indeed, cheap—in a good way. The last time we all went out to eat, we ordered one appetizer, two glasses of house wine, a couple of… Continue reading Family Tapas Night

High-heeled shoes skedaddled their way out of my closet sometime in the mid-90s, when I realized I’d rather be close to the ground than teeter up in the air on pointed stilts, hovering over wads of gum on the streets. Since the 90s, I’ve firmly planted the soles of my flat shoes right in gum… Continue reading Dance Your Socks Off

A terrifying breed of dinosaur has somehow enrolled in art school and is scary good. It has studied advanced drawing techniques, the entire history of art, and how to impress a human and then eat them. This new breed, the “Drawasaurus,” is online, challenging everyone to a draw-off, and I couldn’t be more excited, though… Continue reading Drawasaurus Game Online: Big Fun!

When some raisins and a bunch of ground cinnamon decided to skinny dip in a batch of bread dough, they got stuck and couldn’t get out. I wasn’t exactly helpful when they cried out in desperation. Instead, I mixed them in further, pre-heated the oven, and tossed the whole thing inside to bake. Sure, I… Continue reading Fresh Hot Cinnamon-Raisin Bread

That berry-picking vacation on a boat in the bathtub, where delicious shrimp sprout from the drain is well within reach, zero money down! Almost any delightfully wacky situation can just bubble up from anywhere, if you gather a few friends (online or in person) and let your mind go limp. Over the past two weeks,… Continue reading Improv: Cheap Entertainment

The scissors and glue in the crafting closet got hitched and ran off to some secret honeymoon location. This has happened to me more than once, especially when I’m about to use scissors and glue to help make home-made Valentine’s Day cards for the heart and soul of the Fixin’ Leaks and Leeks Team, Nate.… Continue reading Valentine’s Day Cards You Can Act Like You “Made”

Biscuits can anchor a ship’s worth of toppings, and I’ve witnessed them all, as a self-proclaimed salty Sea Captain of Snacks. If you’re ever caught in a topping storm, and you need a boat to hold them all in, grab a savory, dependable biscuit. Throughout my years as the Sea Captain of Snacks, I’ve seen… Continue reading Mini Biscuit Pizzas: Boatloads of Snacking Fun

An artillery of relaxation devices arrived in the mail, and I just unleashed their powers on my sore muscles, made all wonky by a single dose of the shingles vaccine. (It has been a wild week.) In other words, I got one of those “massage guns,” which sounds like an aggressive way to practice the… Continue reading DIY Massage