Fixin' Leaks and Leeks

DIY Ghost Stories—Year Number Five! If ghosts and monsters want to jump out at me from under the stairs or a garbage disposal, I should at least not have to pay for such a thing. It’s my philosophy that getting scared during Halloween—or any other time of the year—should not cost a thing. Each year,… Continue reading DIY Ghost Stories: Year Number 5!

When the bottoms of pumpkin spice marshmallows billow out in spooky ways, sinking into the abyss of my hot apple cider, I know that it’s finally time to put dead-looking things in the yard and stuff candy corn in all of my pockets. It’s also time for mad-scientist-style kitchen experiments while Nate’s settled in, watching… Continue reading Pumpkin Spice Marshmallow Experiment

Hum-drum errands lists can sizzle with sinister vibes with just a little tweaking. This October, put that run-for-your-life feeling into your run-to-the-store, and enjoy spine-tingling jitters that last all month long. For instance, if your child breaks a guitar string in their dorm room, tell them it’s not their fault. Their dorm room is haunted… Continue reading Scary October Errands List

If bruschetta had an evil twin, it would be a Ritz cracker topped with a slice of tomato and melted cheddar cheese. At least, that’s what Nate thought when I brought up my favorite snacky-snack of all times, last night, when we sat down to watch Malignant. Me: Ritz cracker snacks are the best—so buttery—and… Continue reading Bruschetta Movie Night: Malignant

Apparently, sturdy bedsheets and snappy storage containers are the bare necessities required for outfitting college students who might test the rigors of dorm living by determining how many roommates it takes to knock over the vending machine in the engineering hall. Earlier this summer, Nate and I researched the dorm room that Alex had chosen.… Continue reading Dorm Room Move-In Moves

To the asparagus in the house, I must confess: The Joy of Cooking dill sauce that I made to cover your tender green stalks has been taken over by a sack of Lay’s Potato Chips, dunked over and over again into the creamy goodness, until just a thin smear on the sides of the bowl… Continue reading Dip or Sauce?

If shirt-shopping at the mall is your mate’s way of saying, “I’m turning 51. Please don’t do anything special,” blow those plans to bits and pieces with an action-packed itinerary that takes at least 6 ½ hours to complete—leaving your mate bleary-eyed and stumbling into the night. Sure, fifty may be nifty, but fifty-one’s a… Continue reading “Shirt-Shopping,” but with Surprises: How to Plan an Action-Packed Day for Someone Who is Turning 51

Cheetos droppings have accumulated on the floor in my office, and I’ve blamed the cat, global warming, and hornet wasps. However, the other Fixin’ Leaks and Leeks Team members (Nate, Alex, and the cat) know the truth: I’m not careful when I eat the snack foods that fuel my ability to write underpants jokes and… Continue reading Psyche Yourself Up to Clean the House

Caramel apples came looking for me on the streets late one night. They were pierced with rugged wooden sword-picks and dangerously close to my face, but I didn’t run or scream. Typically, when accosted with samples, I usually bolt—mostly because I don’t like surprises or changes in my routine. So, if I’m walking down the… Continue reading Candy Apples: Aggressive Sampling

Today, the craft alarm sounded like a grinding lawnmower, chomping along, growing with maddening intensity—as if it were possessed—until the sweaty, yet determined driver of the machine (Nate), suddenly stopped. He picked up a tuft of dirt and grass in the backyard, inspected it, and put it right back where he found it. Then, he… Continue reading Craft Alert: Bunnies Lurking Underground